Self-awareness can often lead to the cruel admission that we do not meet the standards we set for ourselves; this is a depressing realisation, and one that was triggered today by confirmation of the characteristic of a physical feature of which I was (subconsciously) aware, but never (consciously) accepting. The physical feature is my skin complexion – my father has been blessed with fair skin, fairer even than both his parents, while my mother is more tan; I covet my father’s ivory complexion and as such had convinced myself that I had inherited it, perhaps to sustain a sense of self-worth to which I was not entitled, but it was my mother who dawned reality on me when she pointed out, rightly, that my skin colour is a blend of both of their complexions.

I have, perhaps, always been aware of this fact, but believing otherwise, that I had inherited my father’s skin colour, made me feel secure and beautiful. However, lies breed delusions, and it is time I faced the truth and do not live in darkness. Thus, my self-awareness today facilitated a correction of self-worth, while it is a downgrade, I am perversely relieved that I do not have fair skin or an appearance that is worth investing in. I can give up; I do not need to spend time, money or effort on elaborate skin care rituals and products; it is pointless to guard what I do not have. I am free! – of delusions, expectations and desires. The acknowledgement that aspirations are indeed unrealisable is a sweet escape from the struggles of their achievement. Today I am free!

Some people are destined to be stars – the universe hands them cards that allows destiny to shine; but not all of us are stars. Acknowledge reality to draw clearer conclusions about where life is meant to lead you: did you inherit the genetics you wanted from your parents? Are opportunities realised without minimal effort even? Answering such questions makes clear if stardom is destined. I have never been lucky in the genetic lottery or otherwise, I have followed rules, but never reaped rewards. Thus, I know I am not meant to succeed, and while this is difficult to accept, it is best to surrender to the reality fate has designed for you. It is sensible to fight fate in matters that are malleable, but choose fights  you can win. The genetic lottery is not winnable. I have found peace in accepting defeat.

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